Firefighters, soul seeking, pennies and pounds.

The strangest thing happened to me today at school. The reception class were having a visit from a group of firefighters today and my class were invited to go and meet them too as they didn't get the chance last year. Obviously, being the nice and kind teacher that I am, I decided to abandon our writing assessment to go see a fire engine. To be fair, I always loved Fireman Sam when I was their age, so I know how much I would have hated my teacher for keeping me from a real life fire engine.
We put our coats, hats, scarfs and gloves on and went outside to go meet these fire men, or fire fighters as they tell me they now have to be called. They laughed at this. I guess the whole political correctness gone mad syndrome stretches about as far as we can imagine. and then some.

So we get out there and the first fireman(fire fighter) that I see, just so happens to be a man who, as I have found out today, at one point dated my mother, but more so, was a man who I knew when I was tiny. The last time I saw this man I was either my classes age (6 years old) or younger. You can imagine how mortified I was to recognise him and even more so when I realised he recognised me! Apparently I haven't changed all that much in the last 18 years or so since he saw me last. The weirdest thing has stuck with me though since seeing John today after so long. I'm going to try my best to explain it. Bare with me.

As soon as I saw John, I felt exactly the same way I did when I had last seen him, which was, literally, years and years ago. I felt like I hadn't changed or grown up at all. I didn't feel or think that I was 6 years old. Its strange. I felt like me, in an ageless sense.

I often look at my class and think just how young they are and how much growing they have to do. I guess I look at them alot of the time and think that they have to be at school so that we can keep on unlocking more and more of that potential that they have wrapped up in their brains. I have come to realise that a lot of the time, we as adults try to dumb down children. This morning really highlighted that to me. As I was whisked back through the years, I realised that when I was little I wasn't dumb, or stupid, or in need of builiding. I needed building in an intelectual sense definitely, but not in a soul sense. I was born aware of who I was. Aware of other people. Aware of people's feelings. Aware of my feelings.

I think what happened to me this morning was a kind of cutting back of all the stuff that has been added to me by being in the world. Maybe a vale had been lifted up over my eyes and I could see clearer. Its very odd. Another way of describing it could be that I re-connected with my core or my soul, you pick a metaphor that works for you. It all means the same thing. Its that part of each of us that is so confounding, so crucial, so battered and mistreated. Its also that part of a person that connects directly with God.
I don't know about you, but I live for those moments when something happens, completely out of your control and you have to sit back and think 'damn, God is so good. How the heck did he manage that?' Those moments when the Holy Spirit is moving so strongly that something within your soul surges to connect with God. Those moments where you receive something from God and you can't question it. I am very blessed to have received many moments like that since God chose to open my eyes. Not that my eyes are completely open all the time. I often find myself looking at God through barely open eyes. squinting at him the way we all do when someone turns the light on first thing in the morning and our eyes have to adjust to the light. I think that those moments where we do truly connect with God are crucial and need to be recalled as often as possible. As I have already said, I often look at God with half shut eyes. It dulls my expectations of him and allows all kinds of negative emotions to begin to play out. I even came close to convincing myself that I couldn't receive from God at all. If we do not strive to look at God through open eyes then how will we ever hope to actually grasp what he's doing and what he wants us to be doing?
This morning could have been just like any other Monday morning. I am so glad that it wasn't. An old family friend from years ago crops up out of the blue. Such a small insignificant moment really, but with such a huge fall-out. Something inside me has been re-ignited. I'd love to be able to strip back all the stuff that covers up my soul at will. Somehow I doubt it will happen.
Today God opened my eyes just that little bit more. It's funny really. The smallest thing in the world can have the largest impact on your soul. God doesn't only work through tears and tongues and physical healing. God works through everything. I've been reminded of a saying my dad used to say to me when I was still at the pocket money stage of life. "Take care of the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves." Maybe we need to focus more on those little, seemingly insignificant moments in life that really do matter, and trust in faith that God will, as always keep on providing in every single way he does.

till next time,